A Letter to the SMM Who Is a People Pleaser...

If you’re the type of social media manager who’s constantly saying “yes,” even when you’re running on caffeine alone…pull up a chair, this one’s for you.

Consider this my little heart-to-heart, from one people pleaser to another. Over the years of running a business, I’ve learned a few lessons the hard way.

A quick story...A few years ago, I was in an interview, and one of the questions was, "Tell me about a person at your current role that hates you and why." My mind went blank. I got along with every single person I worked with, our customers were great, and the vendors we worked with loved us. So, I said exactly that, I don't really have any enemies where I work, giving reasons for why I think having good conflict resolution is important and building strong relationships...blah, blah, blah. The interviewer said back, "If you don't have a single hater in your life, you aren't challenging yourself, you aren't disrupting your workplace, you aren't being bold enough. I want someone who sticks their neck out in this role and challenges everything because that's how we grow as a company." Back then? This CRUSHED me. I complained about this question to anyone who listened, because I thought he was so wrong. Once I started my own business, made mistakes, and let people run over me, I realized how right he was.

Let’s talk about what I wish someone had told me sooner as a people pleaser.

Lesson #1: There Are No Favors in Business

You're going to scoop creep. You totally are, and you have to figure out how to manage this before you are putting in 40 hours and only getting paid for 4. Your time is valuable, so stop handing it out like it's not. Favors, trades, work samples — all of it is just a fancy word for free work. You may think you're being nice, but instead, be nice to yourself and recognize that all these little favors will add up to major scope creep. Charge your worth!

Lesson #2: Write your Boundaries Down

This seems silly, but writing them down makes them feel more official. I always think back to when I was a kid, going to a friend's house. Every household had different rules to follow; some parents wrote them on the fridge, some verbal, and some even were just unspoken. The parents who had the rules on the fridge, everything was clear, and you knew what the expectations were. Well, it's the same for adults. It's easier for you to reference when you are just carrying them in your brain, and it's easier for your clients to understand (or refer back to your contract if they don't), if they have them right in front of them, spelled out.

Lesson #3: Start conversations in email

Hopefully, this one isn't just for the introverts, but when something feels off or uncomfortable, I type out an email before jumping on a call. Not to hide behind a screen, but to write out all my feelings as a reminder to myself. Email gives you space. Space to think, to be clear, and to have things documented, leaving less room for crossing boundaries. So, start the tough stuff in writing. You can always hop on a call later, but an email helps you find your words without people-pleasing them away, because if you're anything like me, the minute someone asks you to overstep on a boundary face-to-face, it's so much harder to say no right off the bat. But if you've already said it, it's referring back to your written-out boundaries.

Lesson #4: It's a strength, too.

I don't want you to think that being "mean" or firm is the only way you can run a business! The textbook definition of people pleasing is "a pattern of behavior where individuals prioritize others' needs and feelings over their own, often stemming from a fear of rejection, conflict, or criticism." So yes, no one wants to be a people pleaser by that definition, but this likely means you also have the personality that's empathetic and thoughtful. And, when you mix empathy with boundaries? That’s when the magic happens. You create client relationships built on mutual respect, and you get to keep your sanity and your "softness." It's all about how you channel your traits into your strengths.

I hope this helps you with your people-pleasing tendencies! And if anything made you realize that you're not alone! People pleasing is a tough habit to break, but you just have to find your confidence and realize that you need to be handing out invoices, not favors.